Three months ago, I sat in my room in New Zealand, flipping through old journal entries by the light of a lamp. I paused over an entry I’d made before the New Year. Two lines arrested my attention, bringing with them a wash of emotion. They read simply: “Be still” and “Focus on family.”

Before the start of 2025, I’d spent time in prayer asking God to guide my priorities for 2025. Among other things, I’d felt him direct me to focus on time with family and to seek stillness and rest. I’d hoped to do exactly that.

By my original plan, I would lead an outreach to Vanuatu, staff a three month Bible school in New Zealand, then head to Canada in July for a few months of much needed rest and time with family. I was already looking forward to that break – after 2 years of non-stop ministry and separation from family, I needed some downtime.

I was halfway through leading the outreach to Vanuatu when I got an email that put a knot in my stomach. My ministry was asking me to delay my break by three months to co-lead a second Bible school. My gut reaction was to say no. I was exhausted. I needed a break. Close friends and colleagues even advised me to say no.

Yet every time I prayed about it, God gave me the same answer: Say yes.

It took me days to wrestle through the decision. Finally, I broke. It happened while I was playing the song “Control” by Tenth Avenue North on guitar. The song is about how God’s love makes it possible to give up control of our lives. 

Tears came as I relinquished control of that situation, giving it into God’s hands. I said yes to staffing the second Bible school, trusting that God’s way was better than my own.

A month after that I arrived back in New Zealand. The outreach had been incredible, and I saw God move in miraculous ways in the lives of my students and in the lives of the people we ministered to. But it also felt like I had just finished running a marathon. And I was looking down the barrel of two back-to-back, relatively intense Bible schools.

As I flipped through my journal, a mixture of pain and confusion washed through me. Why would God ask me to step into co-leading the second Bible school? It didn’t make sense that God would tell me to seek stillness and spend time with family, then yank those things out from under me.

I stepped out onto my deck, breathing in the late night air as New Zealand’s summer dipped towards fall. I tried to let the tension out of my muscles as I sought God in prayer. No miracles came. No voice spoke to me on the wind. But a measure of peace came as I released my frustration to God. The pain and confusion remained, but I felt bolstered by the steady assurance that God was with me. If he’d called me into this, He would make a way.

Over the next few days my mind kept getting drawn back to the fact that my family would be having a small reunion in May. Counting aunts and uncles, my family is spread across 7 countries and 5 continents right now, so any reunion is no small deal.

Currently, my parents and younger sisters serve as missionaries in Malawi, where I grew up. My grandparents, who I hadn’t seen in over 5 years, would be travelling to Malawi from Germany to visit them. Unexpectedly, my brother was able to get time off work and would be travelling from Canada as well.

A part of me wanted to join them, but the idea felt ridiculous. It would require me to leave for several weeks in the middle of the first Bible school, not to mention the cost of the flight tickets. I couldn’t shake the idea, though. I finally brought it to God, expecting a quick and obvious “no”. 

Instead, I felt very clearly that I was to ask my leaders for the time off. I decided to approach them the next day. When I woke up, I discovered a surprising voice message from my parents. Without any knowledge of my plans, they’d decided to encourage me to pray about coming. They suggested I talk it over with the leaders of my ministry, and offered to help financially if needed.

When I sat down with my base leader later that morning, it took an effort of will to still the jitters. Our team here is a small one, so leaving in the middle of a Bible school would put a lot of extra pressure on our other staff. I expected some back and forth in the conversation as I presented my request for the time off. Instead, it was almost immediately approved.

It took a few days for me to round up approvals from my other leaders, but the response was unanimous: They would do whatever it took to make the space for me to see family.

In early May I packed my bags for a two week trip to Malawi, which was an incredible gift. It was also fully unexpected: By my original plans, I wouldn’t have seen my immediate family until July, and I wouldn’t have seen my grandparents until December.

The time in Malawi also proved to be surprisingly restful. My grandparents are both quite elderly, so much of the visit was spent chatting or playing lawn games. When I returned to New Zealand, it was with renewed energy for the ongoing Bible school.

So many things lined up perfectly for that trip to Malawi to work out, and I saw God’s fingerprints all over it as things unfolded. It’s humbling to realize that in my moments of pain and confusion, God had already prepared a beautiful gift for me – I simply couldn’t see it at that point. When the Lord asked me to change my plans, he was asking me to step into something better, even if I didn’t understand it then.

The changes in plans haven’t stopped there, though. I got the news two weeks ago that the second Bible school has been cancelled for a variety of reasons. At first glance it seems odd that God asked me to say yes to that school, only to have it fall through. I can clearly see his provision through it, though.

The first thing is that this change of plans unexpectedly frees me up to take a break in July. I’m already excited to have the time and mental space to pursue hobbies again, like reading, fiction writing, and hiking and hunting. I typically work 60+ hours a week and even during “downtime” you’re on call as a missionary. An actual break will be an incredible blessing.

This change of plans also allows me to continue my studies in Biblical teaching. Last year I completed my first of three Bible Teachers Schools in Malaysia, and this year the second school is running in Amsterdam. The first Bible Teachers School was one of the most helpful courses I’ve taken in the last several years, so I’m stoked to continue that education. By all of my previous plans I wouldn’t have been able to make it to the second school, so this is a wonderful surprise.

The location of the Bible Teachers School also opens up two other unexpected opportunities. The first is to visit relatives that I haven’t seen since before Covid. I have Dutch family a few hours from Amsterdam that I’m incredibly excited to see again. The other opportunity is to attend the wedding of good friends of mine in the UK. We’ve served in ministry together for the last several years, and I would love to be able to celebrate them as they step into a new journey.

The rest of my year will be filled with other missions courses, which I’ll be taking online. This gives me the opportunity to live with family for a few months and hopefully even celebrate Christmas with family for the first time in 4 years. I’ll be able to spend more time with family than I have in years.

To wrap all of this up, I want to point back to the goodness and faithfulness of God. This year has been a journey for me in obedience – saying yes even when it costs me. It’s a journey of learning to trust the Lord when I don’t understand what He’s doing.

In God’s goodness, my yes to Him brought me unexpectedly into so many blessings. He’s been so faithful to what He told me at the start of the year. My counter-intuitive yes actually opened the door for greater rest and more time with family than I could have imagined.

Missions and ministry often require large sacrifices, but even in the hardest moments, I’ve seen the blessings of God. It turns out that obedience, even when grudging and painful, can allow God to work incredible things out.

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